I walked out of the revolving doors, one last time. I had a heavy box in my hands filled with Knick knacks collected over the years.
My heart felt heavier than the box. I thought ….why do I feel this way?
It was my last day of work at the company where I worked for last eight years. No, I was not fired or laid off. It was a very conscious decision that I made along with my husband, after considerable thought and deliberation.
I had six months to prepare myself for this. Still, here I was on an unseasonably warm evening in February, sitting in the lobby of my office building, fighting tears, as I waited for my husband to pick me up.
I hoped no one I know walks by, because if they said something I would surely break down and start crying.
I was excited about starting my own business. My husband and I have been working on it almost for a year. With our full-time jobs and family, it wasn’t easy to devote as much time as it needed.
Now, I will be able to give my business full attention, and make some serious money.
I was thrilled with the freedom this business would bring me. I have family in India and I don’t get to spend much time with them. I love to travel but we are always short on time.
The prospect of working from anywhere in the world is so exciting. I was dreaming of spending a couple of months in the Caribbean a couple of months in India while still working.
What’s not to like about this lifestyle for a wanderer like me?
When coworkers heard about my intended departure two weeks back, everyone said how lucky I was. Everyone I spoke to said “I wish I could do that” and I asked, “Why not?” Most people had some excuse or the other.
What surprised me most was, pretty much everyone wanted to do what I did, but I was the only one to take the leap of faith.
So, am I the crazy one? What if this business does not work? What if we have a tough time making ends meet? After all, we have become accustomed to this lifestyle, and we may have to give up some of the perks of two income family.
As I was helping my daughter get ready for school this morning she said “mom, you don’t look too happy” I replied ”Even though I am excited about my new adventures, it will take me a little time to get over what I just gave up. “
In my corporate job, if I did not know something I knew someone who could help, or at least point me in the right direction. When I was frustrated with something I could just walk over to my coworker in the next cubicle and air out my grievances. It would instantly make me feel better. I was going to miss that camaraderie.
My husband and I worked in the same area, our buildings stood about a mile apart. Every day we drove to and back from work together. It was our time, to talk, argue, laugh or sometimes just sit in silence very aware of each other’s presence but without saying a word.
Together, we appreciated the blooming flowers in the spring, lush green trees in summer, beautiful fall colors in autumn and snow covered landscape in winter, as we drove past the tree-lined streets and hilly terrain from our suburban home to downtown.
I was definitely going to miss our time together.
One thing I am sure of is that I don’t like to live with regrets and I am a risk taker. I don’t want to look at my life, ten years down the road, while still bound by the chains of a 9 to 5 corporate job and think I had an opportunity but I was too afraid to take it.
I would rather look back and say I did take a risk and took the opportunity, it did not work as planned, so what? I learnt a lot from it, I am glad I tried. Or even better, I am so glad I took that opportunity and now I am living the life of my dreams.
I am a solo flyer, at least for now. It will take me some time to build up the network of other like-minded people. However, the best part is my friend, philosopher, and guide, my dear hubby, is always by my side.
That thought sent me down the memory lane to a time when I was shopping for shoes for my wedding. I fell in love with a pair of heels that were a bit too high for my comfort. I was afraid I would trip and fall. The smart salesman who was helping me said “ You don’t have to worry about falling any more, there will be a strong man by your side.”
That strong man has been my side for 20 years now. He has always been there for me, supported me in whatever I do.
I am not afraid to stumble and fall. As long as he is there to hold my hand and help me get back on my feet and get going again, even stumbling and falling sounds exciting!